The aim with this essay has been to create entry points for the work/my degree project Ever losing: collaboration between Olivia Riviere and myself, which we presented it at Fylkingen, February 22 and 23, 2019. Due to the fact that my first degree project was failed in May 2018, the process of this work has unfolded within the frame of a second degree project and re-examination. Within Ever losing there are two other works present, namely: Textures of loss and Feeling low. In this conclusion I will try to re-track an overall line-of-thought through the text, which aimed at grasping the broken timeline contained within the work(s). Acknowledging the fact that Olivia and I have been working collaboratively but inevitably from different positions, I have described how our work departs from an interest in the vocal technique growling. Including a text that we have co-written together, writing from our practice(s), has been a way to give space for Olivia’s voice as the co-author of the work. I have tried to outline how the work(s) and its paths are scattered, but how they all seam to lead back to the sentence: To grieve is to allow the self to be dispersed.63 Grief has acted as a central theme, prompted by my own experience in 2017, where the work of Nina Lykke and QDSN have carried significant importance in offering perspectives for politicized, queer, understandings of grief, mourning and loss. Moreover, the title Ever losing refers to this: the recurring loss-theme, the figure of the loser and ’losership’. We have been especially inspired by Danish author Naja Marie Aidt and her book Har döden tagit något ifrån dig så ge det tillbaka, which have functioned as a foundation/platform for discussion and reflection for this process. In this work we have unfolded the choreographic material we made in April 2017, which back then was “dense” and tended to subside in representation. For example, we have been inspired by compositional tools and fragmentation in Aidt’s book when developing dramaturgy. Finally, before naming a number of topics I wish, but did not manage to create space for in the essay, I end with a reflection about how the idea of ‘disperse’ recur in different works and in our artistic process: as explosions, ruptures, something dissolved - as that which is broken.