Practice 

The genre of true crime has become a flourishing format in the film business. This project has the become an investigation into my own preconceived ideas of ways of writing and constructing stories and characters, what methods do I actually and intuitively use. My strong aversion against films that kill a few women in the beginning and then tell a story about a murderer have become the driving force to with a new perspective, even though the original story, my memory, was just that, a women murdered and a story focusing on the murderer and his life story. Being drawn towards the horror instead of the life before death. How can you get past very strong images, these strong impressions and be able to tell what might be the more, for yourself, important to tell? 

I wrote a synopsis and let my co researchers, Alexander Skantze and Mamdooh Afdile,  choose which part of story they wanted to tell and found in my material. My synopsis was in three parts, interwoven; My memories and the truth of my relatives and the relatives of the victims and perpetrators: My parallel story – investigating myself and my part in the story; And the true story – collected from research materials. 

Two Scripts where written and I read.The issue about the victim’s invisibility got stronger along the way: how can I tell about her, the murdered woman, who was thrown into a well and lay there for 7 months? I didn’t want her to disappear as “she” does in so many of these stories. Alexanders choices in his scripts made me see my own uncertainty, that I still wrote mainly about the murderer. After having read the scripts, another process started. I could see that the theme-based version suited my story better, but I also saw the flaws of my synopsis. What did I miss?  I went back to my initial text and started rewriting. I also changed the rhythm of the text to be better heard or read. That made the space between the words clearer. The undertone. That finally made me realize the solution, with all my senses:  that the victim is or was the same age as I. In my memory growing up with this story, hearing about it a long time ago I´ve thought it happened when I was like 12, like in that image you saw, but that is not thru, I was 20, she was 21. Why didn’t I feel this before? And I use the expression feel since I didn´t understand it before, while reading and thinking.  My next step is to go back again and analyze how the different parts feed and hinder each other now when I have my co-researchers’ material in front of me. 

In the short film clip I try to describe the feeling of hesitance I´ve had to move closer towards the truth since I do not want to intrude on the women in the well. 

Det här projektet har blivit en undersökning av mina egna förutfattade meningar om hur jag skriver och konstruerar berättelser och karaktärer, vilka metoder jag faktiskt och intuitivt använder. Min starka motvilja mot filmer som dödar några kvinnor i början och sedan berättar en historia om en mördare har blivit drivkraften för att med ett nytt perspektiv, även om den ursprungliga berättelsen, enligt min minnesbild, var just det, en kvinna som mördats och en berättelse som fokuserar på mördaren och hans livshistoria.

Att dras till skräcken i stället för till livet före döden, verkar vara en naturlag. Hur kan man ta sig förbi sina mycket starka inre bilder, dessa starka intryck och kunna berätta vad som kanske är mer, för en själv, viktigt att berätta?

Jag skrev ett synopsis och lät mina två medforskare välja vilken del av historien de skulle hitta och använda av mitt material. Mitt synopsis bestod av tre delar som var sammanvävda: Mina minnen och sanningen om mina släktingar och släktingar till offren och förövarna, min parallella berättelse - jag undersöker mig själv och min roll i berättelsen, och den sanna berättelsen - insamlad från research.